We have been through 5 years of litigation in family court. He also says he saw rats at his dad’s house during visitation. I cannot go back to family court because they think this is he said/she said. The judge just gave his dad 29% visitation, though the family court services mediator recommended only 7% visitation. The judge did not like me even though I am a working paralegal and my ex is a bum and stays at home making drug paraphernalia for he and his girlfriend to sell. What to do?
Unfortunately your SON is the one being put in this position now because of his age but he still needs YOU as his biggest and strongest fighter!
First of all let me congratulate you on raising such a SMART boy!! He is smart enough to know that what is going on at his dad’s house is wrong and he doesnt like how he feels when he is there! That is HIS RIGHT!!
I dont see why ANYONE could force a 15 yr old boy to visit a place where he feels uncomfortable and unsafe! Talk to your son and tell him that you have done ALL that YOU can and if he feels very strongly about it then HE will have to be the one to now fight his father in court. Remind him that through it all you will continue to stand right by him NO MATTER WHAT (even if he decides that he in fact DOES want to spend that 29% w/ his dad after all)
Your son may be VERY scared and apprehensive about doing this b/c I am sure that even though something is "not right" about his dad.. its still his DAD and he still LOVES him no matter what! So he is probably torn by his own feelings and hurting his fathers feelings. But that is another reason that you need to let go of your strings and let him handle this one on his own. Explain to him that although it may hurt his dad’s feelings that MAYBE just maybe his father hearing from him OWN SON that he doesnt feel safe will make his dad think about what kind of life he is leading and role model he is being! If they are in the whole "drug" thing it probably wont be enough to stop him but it might at least make him think! Also, talk to your ex and explain WHY your son doesnt want to visit… dont just tell him that YOU dont want your son there.
Despite EVERYTHING though… YOU are mom… and as moms it is OUR RESPONSIBILITY to do what is right for our children and thier well being and if you think your son is in danger in ANY WAY by being around his father then you FIGHT and you KEEP FIGHTING until you MAKE someone understand!! After all… it is MUCH better to be in court CONSTANTLY then spend ONE day BURYING your son b/c of his father’s neglegence!!
Good luck to you and your son and I am so sorry to hear of the turmoil that your ex is creating in your sons heart!
ur son should be old enoughto make that decision if he wants to go back or not
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talk to somebody
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U CANT FORCE HIM… HE WILL COME AROUND…
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understand him…..he is probebly going threw a rough pach….accept his decisions but at the same time explain to him what you thuink is right…
it should work
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You can always go back to court. Have your son see a psychologist and get a recommendation that he isn’t happy being with his father. At 15 years old, the boy should have a significant say regarding the visitation schedule.
Don’t make this a fight between the parents. Always keep it focused on what is best for your son. Emphasize the mediator’s recommendation, the phychologist’s recommendation, etc.
Insist that the visitations be supervised.
Insist that there be no overnight visits.
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Dont make him go
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Dang that’s not good. Well my dad was the best person ever good to be around its to bad i didn’t have more time with him but if he cant be with his dad a new father figure would also help as well. I look up to my uncles and grandfather for advice more then ever now.
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If what you say is true (because so much on Y! answers is simply made up) then you will simply have to abide by the court order. Perhaps request another judge, and have a new order placed. I’m not sure how a judge can force a 15 year old to visit with a parent.
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don’t make him go
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If you are a paralegal, you probably have a better idea of what to do than 99% of the people on here. From what I know of the legal system, any solid evidence that can be gathered, should be. Send your son with a camera next time he goes there and instruct him to take pictures of the paraphenalia, rats, and all the garbage laying about. Maybe that will drill it home to that stupid judge.
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have the child tell his father that he doesn’t want to see him for now but maybe in the future. Also tell him why he came to this decision. Try to support him in his decision.
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Sounds like you got the little bugger brainwashed! If he himself does not want to visit his dad anymore make him tell him that or even better put it in writing with reasons why and make him sign it!
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Your son is 15. He can make up his own mind on most matters. I don’t think the courts can make him see his father is he so chooses not to. I would be shocked if they do. I do hope you are raising a good boy with good morals. I would hate to see him one day turn into his father.
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Ask for an appeal and request another judge.
There may be more to the story and you should talk with your son about it. If you get a bad feeling about this “talk”, have your son see a therapist and use his evaluation as evidence in front of the appeals judge.
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he is old enough to make his own decisions about going to his dads house, as long as it is his own decision.
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I have been where you are my dear, trust me it sucks……i recommend making him go regardless. If the x takes you back to court the judge that doesn’t like you will make life a living hell for you and you don’t want that. I suggest making him go. Tell him you have to make him go for he has to see his dad. Sorry but I had to do that too with my child and it stinks. my child hates going to her fathers but understands she has no choice and either do i. I hope that helps. Take care and good luck to you.
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you picked him for the dad why?now fight for your sons feelings.DONT QUIT!
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since you are a paralegal you probably know that an older child has the right to decide to he wants to live with and/or visit (i think over 12?).
your son needs to talk with his father, and let him know he isn’t coming to visit, and that it’s his own decision… he needs to tell his father how he feels.
i really do not believe the father can force visitation. have you consulted any attorneys you know? i’m sure they could give you better answers than you’ll receive here.
take care.
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Hire an attorney that will fight for you and your son.
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Unfortunately your SON is the one being put in this position now because of his age but he still needs YOU as his biggest and strongest fighter!
First of all let me congratulate you on raising such a SMART boy!! He is smart enough to know that what is going on at his dad’s house is wrong and he doesnt like how he feels when he is there! That is HIS RIGHT!!
I dont see why ANYONE could force a 15 yr old boy to visit a place where he feels uncomfortable and unsafe! Talk to your son and tell him that you have done ALL that YOU can and if he feels very strongly about it then HE will have to be the one to now fight his father in court. Remind him that through it all you will continue to stand right by him NO MATTER WHAT (even if he decides that he in fact DOES want to spend that 29% w/ his dad after all)
Your son may be VERY scared and apprehensive about doing this b/c I am sure that even though something is "not right" about his dad.. its still his DAD and he still LOVES him no matter what! So he is probably torn by his own feelings and hurting his fathers feelings. But that is another reason that you need to let go of your strings and let him handle this one on his own. Explain to him that although it may hurt his dad’s feelings that MAYBE just maybe his father hearing from him OWN SON that he doesnt feel safe will make his dad think about what kind of life he is leading and role model he is being! If they are in the whole "drug" thing it probably wont be enough to stop him but it might at least make him think! Also, talk to your ex and explain WHY your son doesnt want to visit… dont just tell him that YOU dont want your son there.
Despite EVERYTHING though… YOU are mom… and as moms it is OUR RESPONSIBILITY to do what is right for our children and thier well being and if you think your son is in danger in ANY WAY by being around his father then you FIGHT and you KEEP FIGHTING until you MAKE someone understand!! After all… it is MUCH better to be in court CONSTANTLY then spend ONE day BURYING your son b/c of his father’s neglegence!!
Good luck to you and your son and I am so sorry to hear of the turmoil that your ex is creating in your sons heart!
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Child of divorce and now a mother and step mother myself!
Will the judge not listen to your son? Can you take it to another court? Get an appeal? I would not force my child to go somewhere if they are old enough to know that it is unpleasant and not a good environment.
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Good luck
Even at 15, kids still seek the approval of their parents, saying things to please the custodial parent (or whichever parent they are with).
Do you actually think your child is in danger at his father’s house? Or, are you just kind of happy that you ‘won’, that he seems to hate your ex (his father) as much as you do?
If you *truly* believe your child to be in danger, get documentation & take it back to court. Over & over & over again, if you have to.
If you think he’ll be fine when he’s there, and actually believe that your son is still a child and, therefore shouldn’t get to choose when he’s going to listen to his parents & when he isn’t (what a field day that would be for most kids! wahoo!), then tell him that he doesn’t have a choice, but that you’ll help him learn how to deal with it (just like you do when he has to take medicine, clean his room, do his homework, etc.).
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Don’t make him visit his dad.He’s old enough to decide for himself.
He was only 10 when this started.He’s now 15.He has to tell his dad himself that he doesn’t want to visit.It may be hard for him to do but he has to and his dad can’t make him go.
Let the dad take it to court if he wishes but I’d bet that will never happen.
I feel bad for your son that he’s in this position and for you also but your son has to be the one to take control of this.Be strong for your son and support him.It will be tough but you can do it. In most states he’s old enough at 11 or 12 to state his own position.
Good Luck to you both and God Bless.
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13. That is the age a child gains the right to choose. He has to tell the court and his father. I was allowed to stop seeing my mother at the age of 11 because I was seen mature enough to make my own decision and be treated as an adult.
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At the time of your litigation your son was ten years old. He had no voice because of his age. The judge did not listen to you because you are the custodial parent and the judge figured that you were saying that your son did not want to go visit his dad out of spite and not of what the child actually wanted or what was best for the child.
Since it has been five years, your son is old enough to speak with the mediator without you or your ex being present. Your son now has a voice to be heard.
I know that the court system is a hard road to travel when you are the custodial parent because your voice is not heard at all. THe court system is not, in my opinion, looking out for the best interest of the child. They seem to think that every ncp deserves to see their child and in most cases, it is true but then there are cases where the ncp should not be allowed to be with the child. As in your case, if there is drug paraphernallia and rats in your ex’s home, then your son is being exposed to an environment that is not for him.
With that said you must think about your son and how he must be feeling to go to his dads house and not want to be there. He has resentments, anger and at times withdrawn, correct? Before it gets out of hand and your son begins to blame you for making him go to his Dad’s, you need to seek the counsel of an experienced attorney that will fight along with you for your son. Maybe your son can write a letter to the judge at the hearing that explains in detail all that he goes through while at his dad’s house and a few pictures wouldn’t hurt any.
Good luck and you are in my prayers
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Well at the age of 15 your son now has the right to make his own decision as to who he wants to be with. I suggest that he tell his father he doesn’t wish to visit right now, or you and let it go at that. If he takes you to court then you can ask the judge to speak with your son in reference to this ordeal.
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Get your son a lawyer. Let him go to court.
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He is 15 and believe it or not it is his legal right to decide. Talk to him about the pro’s and con’s of distancing himself from his father, learn why he feels that way, and then support the decision he has made. It is always important that he have you to lean on, especially if he feels this way about his father.
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wow, can’t he tell the judge he would like to meet his dad somewhere other than his house? he is 15 and old enough to make his own deicisions
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when my older kids were that age and I had to let them visit I brought them to another city and myself, kids and ex all stayed in a hotel for the weekend or a whole week. I had fun doing my thing and kids got to spend time with dad without girlfriend around. they made some great memories. it’s important that your son see his dad. the judge knows this it has nothing to do with you.
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Keep him away!!!
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