My fiance and I are going to court for custody of his daughter. We are asking the court to give us temporary full custody based on the living conditions she is in when she’s with her mom.
The mom shares a one bedroom apartment with seven other people and an eighth lives in a garage. The mom sees nothing wrong with these living conditions and feels insulted that we are trying to get temporary custody because of this.
The little girl says that the people in the house hit her and that when she rides in a car with her mom that she sits on a pillow between the two front seats and ducks when a police officer drives by because all other seats are full. The problem is we haven’t seen any obvious bruises and have no way of proving that these things are happening. We did file a report with Social Services and they interviewed the family in the presence of the little girl and determined that she didn’t always do as she was told so if she was being hit, there was probably a reason (I’m not kidding, this is what the man told me.)
My fiance and the mom went to mediation and were unable to come to an agreement so the case went back to the judge. The judge requested that they come back because the mom hadn’t brought a translator, didn’t have money to hire a translator there and hadn’t served a response.
Since they were unable to come up with an agreement in mediation (the mom refused to budge at all, she thinks that his fri night to mon morning is too much time already and sees nothing wrong with her environment) the mediator suggested a custody evaluator which he said could cost up to $20,000.00.
My fiance and I both work and make enough money to support ourselves, take care of his daughter’s needs and pay for a two-bedroom apartment so his daughter can have her own room. We aren’t using lawyers because we really can’t afford it and I’m totally fine with working extra hours and doing whatever we have to do to get a custody evaluation done, but don’t want to get so far in debt that we can’t support the little girl if we get her. We’d like the mom to pay for half of the evaluation, but she doesn’t work.
Are we better off taking our chances with the judge and hoping that the judge sees her environment as unacceptable and paying for the evaluation so that a professional can determine what’s best for this child? Or would we be better off giving up on getting her a bed in a bedroom (that’s all we’re asking the mom to provide for her) and trying to get a little extra time and stipulations stating no corporal punishment?
I think the living conditions are unexceptable and that the little girl deserves every opportunity available to her and that she’s worth fighting for. But if the courts, social service, cutody evaluators, mediators and all other players involved don’t see anything wrong with where she currently is, I don’t want to keep fighting a battle that we won’t win. I’d rather pour that money into a family vacation fund and college fund for the child and just make the most of every minute we get to spend with her. Advice????
If this was my child, I couldn’t give up. I wouldn’t care what it cost me. If I was denied, I would appeal. As much as you say you can’t afford an attorney, I think it would be cheaper to get one. $20,000.00 for a custody evaluator? It sounds like you are being taken for a ride by the mediator imho. A lot of attorney’s have payment plans and would cost a whole lot less.
Can you prove that the child is living in an over crowded apartment? Usually there are laws that prohibit living like that (lease holder / fire code) and most Judges almost require a child to have a separate room.
I’d personally say take a stab with the Judge and avoid the $20,000 becuase there is no guarantee the custody evaluator would decide in your favor either.
References :
If this was my child, I couldn’t give up. I wouldn’t care what it cost me. If I was denied, I would appeal. As much as you say you can’t afford an attorney, I think it would be cheaper to get one. $20,000.00 for a custody evaluator? It sounds like you are being taken for a ride by the mediator imho. A lot of attorney’s have payment plans and would cost a whole lot less.
References :
dont give up, there people and organizations that will help cover these costs, start asking around at social services.
References :
I would always keep fighting for the kids.
References :
The problem is what you’ve already stated. You cannot PROVE any of these allegations that are being made, and his daughter is not of age to address the court, so if you were to try and tell the judge what you THINK is going on, it would be struck down as evidence because it is hearsay.
You need to focus on a couple of key principles here. To get the evidence that you need, you’ll have to do some of your own detective work.
1. Find out what the building code is regarding apartment’s. Usually there can be no more than 2 adults and a child making residence in a one bedroom apartment. They are probably in violation of the code as well as the fire code.
2. Get EVIDENCE of 7 people living in the apartment. That means surveillance video, pictures, names, etc…
3. Get EVIDENCE of her riding in the car without a seat belt through seeing it happen and calling the cops so that she can be cited for it.
4. Get EVIDENCE that she is not gainfully employed and that she cannot support her child financially.
5. Show evidence that he is employed and is capable of making the money necessary to support the child.
6. Show evidence that his environment is much more safe, secure, and founded so that the child can prosper.
7. Get a third party evaluator. Yes, hire the evaluator so that they can render a determination to the judge.
References :
Buy her a bed. Buy her a carseat. If the mom needs a translator, does she come from a culture where this sort of lifestyle is normal? Chances are, you’re going to get nowhere if CPS, etc. doesn’t see a problem. My husband’s girls slept on the floor for 5 months while he stewed and fumed. Sometimes you have to recognize that you are powerless.
References :
Hire a lawyer, make payments, gather all of your evidence, possibly even hire a private investigator so you will have the proof you need in court. Document everything!!! Good luck!
References :
First, I’m a Father’s Rights Advocate for 20 years. Print this out for him
Many think the courts are rigged against dads, but in reality, it is more about attorneys unwilling or lack the knowledge to truly fight for the father’s rights. This is why it is important to learn how to interview and hire the right attorney. It is also important to do as much as possible on your own and not pay the attorney to do it.
Start keeping a daily journal of all your activities. The most common way to prevent a father from getting his rights through the courts is a false allegation, usually sexual. Over 60% of divorcing father are accused of child sexual abuse, of which only 4% are found to have any relevance, but there are little to any fines for making the allegation. A daily journal is your number one piece of evidence in court and you can even refer to it while on the stand.
Gather evidence. Check the site below to see if it is illegal to record conversations with the woman. If your state does not have a law either way, than it defaults to the federal ruling which says one person in a conversation must know they are being recorded. In Missouri it is specifically legal, in Kansas there is no mention either way. If you live in two different states, and one has a law against it, than it applies when the call originates from within that state,
Now, you can’t just record, you also have to transcribe it into the daily journal.
If you want to learn how to do all this go to Dads House in Yahoo Groups. There’s an educational manual in the file section that can teach you what you need to know. The organization it came from is defunct due to attorneys that tried to take it over and make money from it.
Take the time to learn what you can and should do.
http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/DadsHouse/
http://www.rcfp.org/taping/
http://www.glennsacks.com
http://www.parentalalienation.org/
References :