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The mom shares a one bedroom apartment with seven other people and an eighth lives in a garage. The mom sees nothing wrong with these living conditions and feels insulted that we are trying to get temporary custody because of this.

The little girl says that the people in the house hit her and that when she rides in a car with her mom that she sits on a pillow between the two front seats and ducks when a police officer drives by because all other seats are full. The problem is we haven’t seen any obvious bruises and have no way of proving that these things are happening. We did file a report with Social Services and they interviewed the family in the presence of the little girl and determined that she didn’t always do as she was told so if she was being hit, there was probably a reason (I’m not kidding, this is what the man told me.)

My fiance and the mom went to mediation and were unable to come to an agreement so the case went back to the judge. The judge requested that they come back because the mom hadn’t brought a translator, didn’t have money to hire a translator there and hadn’t served a response.

Since they were unable to come up with an agreement in mediation (the mom refused to budge at all, she thinks that his fri night to mon morning is too much time already and sees nothing wrong with her environment) the mediator suggested a custody evaluator which he said could cost up to $20,000.00.

My fiance and I both work and make enough money to support ourselves, take care of his daughter’s needs and pay for a two-bedroom apartment so his daughter can have her own room. We aren’t using lawyers because we really can’t afford it and I’m totally fine with working extra hours and doing whatever we have to do to get a custody evaluation done, but don’t want to get so far in debt that we can’t support the little girl if we get her. We’d like the mom to pay for half of the evaluation, but she doesn’t work.

Are we better off taking our chances with the judge and hoping that the judge sees her environment as unacceptable and paying for the evaluation so that a professional can determine what’s best for this child? Or would we be better off giving up on getting her a bed in a bedroom (that’s all we’re asking the mom to provide for her) and trying to get a little extra time and stipulations stating no corporal punishment?

I think the living conditions are unexceptable and that the little girl deserves every opportunity available to her and that she’s worth fighting for. But if the courts, social service, cutody evaluators, mediators and all other players involved don’t see anything wrong with where she currently is, I don’t want to keep fighting a battle that we won’t win. I’d rather pour that money into a family vacation fund and college fund for the child and just make the most of every minute we get to spend with her. Advice????

If this was my child, I couldn’t give up. I wouldn’t care what it cost me. If I was denied, I would appeal. As much as you say you can’t afford an attorney, I think it would be cheaper to get one. $20,000.00 for a custody evaluator? It sounds like you are being taken for a ride by the mediator imho. A lot of attorney’s have payment plans and would cost a whole lot less.

You should demand a full accounting from your attorney for services rendered. Further you should contact the state bar and local bar association and file complaints for failure to return unearned attorney fees.

Demand that your attorney fees be returned by your ex-attorney and inform him/her that you intend to file a complaint with the state bar. (this demand should be made in writing – with you keeping a copy)

First of all let me congratulate you on raising such a SMART boy!! He is smart enough to know that what is going on at his dad’s house is wrong and he doesnt like how he feels when he is there! That is HIS RIGHT!!

I dont see why ANYONE could force a 15 yr old boy to visit a place where he feels uncomfortable and unsafe! Talk to your son and tell him that you have done ALL that YOU can and if he feels very strongly about it then HE will have to be the one to now fight his father in court. Remind him that through it all you will continue to stand right by him NO MATTER WHAT (even if he decides that he in fact DOES want to spend that 29% w/ his dad after all)

Your son may be VERY scared and apprehensive about doing this b/c I am sure that even though something is "not right" about his dad.. its still his DAD and he still LOVES him no matter what! So he is probably torn by his own feelings and hurting his fathers feelings. But that is another reason that you need to let go of your strings and let him handle this one on his own. Explain to him that although it may hurt his dad’s feelings that MAYBE just maybe his father hearing from him OWN SON that he doesnt feel safe will make his dad think about what kind of life he is leading and role model he is being! If they are in the whole "drug" thing it probably wont be enough to stop him but it might at least make him think! Also, talk to your ex and explain WHY your son doesnt want to visit… dont just tell him that YOU dont want your son there.

Despite EVERYTHING though… YOU are mom… and as moms it is OUR RESPONSIBILITY to do what is right for our children and thier well being and if you think your son is in danger in ANY WAY by being around his father then you FIGHT and you KEEP FIGHTING until you MAKE someone understand!! After all… it is MUCH better to be in court CONSTANTLY then spend ONE day BURYING your son b/c of his father’s neglegence!!

Good luck to you and your son and I am so sorry to hear of the turmoil that your ex is creating in your sons heart!

Seeking professional services is not the only thing that can be done to save a marriage.  You can do other things, since really the process of saving a marriage is not that complicated.  Generally it only requires that both parties work together toward a common goal.  Below we will talk about four things you can do to help your plea of “save my marriage.”  Understanding these four things will improve your odds of avoiding a divorce.

Whenever two people are brought together, such as in a marriage, there will be problems.  You must understand that the perfect marriage does not exist.  A few problems in a marriage may even grow so large as to be deal breakers.  Even twins differ in their likes and dislikes.  Disagreeing with each others is just part of being together.  But if you want a successful marriage, a couple must learn to get over the rough spots and solve the problems.  Perfection will not be obtained, so don’t try it.  Saying to yourself, “save my marriage,” can only be fulfilled if you understand that people make mistakes but it is also very possible to overcome any problems.

Secondly you must understand that good communication is vital.  We have all heard this dozens of times and it is true.  Any marriage that lacks communication will run into problems.  Be honest with each other in your communication.  Talking it out is vital to solving any problem and you must have confidence that any problem can be solved.

The third thing to consider is accepting compromise.  Some may call it the “art of accepting compromise” since many have made it an art.  Basically a middle ground has to be reached which enables a conclusion to a conflict.  The middle ground has to be accepted by both partners and be in the interest of both, before you will ever resolve the “save my marriage” issue.  Marriage is about compromise, and a cry to “save my marriage” will be answered if you realize that a relationship is about give and take on the part of both partners.

Marriage is about commitment, which you hopefully realized before you committed.  If a marriage breaks down, like a car can, you don’t just abandon it, since you wouldn’t do that to your car either.  Only when all hope is lost should a marriage be abandoned. You can say “save my marriage” all that you want, but you must have the commitment to work toward solving your marital problems if you have any hope of preventing Divorce.

There you have four things that can help save your marriage.  It is true that sometimes the damage to a marriage is so bad that there is no saving it.  Not every problem can be resolved and not every counseling try will work.  Divorce may make sense in those cases.  But, when that isn’t the case divorce is usually not the answer.  You can begin to “save my marriage” when you know how to work with your partner in resolving problems, using some of the tips given above.

Mark Jordan
http://www.articlesbase.com/marriage-articles/can-i-save-my-marriagea-solution-is-not-far-away-720751.html

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If it’s Cafcass – the judge takes their recommendation like 99.9% of the time.

I think in your case, it’s gone way too far for mediation.

Usually, you would go to a mediator first (before things have got nasty).

Then it goes to Cafcass. The Cafcass worker will see you with the kids, and your ex with the kids, and make a report.

Then there’s the court case – the judge will listen to Cafcass.

It would all go to court, and obviously the dad would have made the "residency" application.

Sounds to me like he’s got it in the bag; it needs rubber stamping, which means a residency order in his favour.

They don’t like to move kids around and upset the status quo, and this would be the case even if the mum was fit (which she isn’t, if police and SS got involved!)